It's 1am and she is packing..

Era unu fix când m-am uitat la ceas ultima dată...
Mama se învârte de nebună prin casă, îşi face bagajul. Mâine pleacă. Gata toţi au plecat, suntem doar noi de noi acasă. Azi am primit cea mai faină replică, un citat care cândva l-am şi postat pe pagină de FB a blogului: "Nu contează cum e casa ci, cine locuieşte acolo." Mereu mă plâng că apartamentul părinţilor mei e demodat şi arată mai mult ca un muzeu părăsit. E 1:10, citesc şi mai arunc un ochi pe FB... Aştept să-mi scrie cineva, oricare din ei. Ignor total, îmi scriu amicii, acum neinteresant cumva. M-am gândit mult la blog, şi ce tare îmi lipseşte laptopul, că nu am unde să-mi vărs droaia de cuvinte şi idei ce nu-mi dau pace. Ne-au vizitat nişte prieteni ai mamei, Silvano, italianul meu preferat din toţi cei cunoscuţi, iar m-a fascinat prin tăcerea şi explicaţia tăcerii. Am uitat italiană complet şi asta m -a stânjenit oribil şi totuşi după un pahar de bere cu tata cuvintele şi-au mai găsit locul. Meditez asupra vieţii constant, însă acasă înconjurată de prietenii vechi ai alor mei (oamenii cu care am crescut, pe care i-am admirat sau judecat copiil fiind) mi am dat seama de galopul vieţii... De cum te schimbi şi de cât de importantă e familia, cazul meu neamul infit de mare şi infinit de divers. Adjudecat, acasă rămâne locul unde amintirile nu încetează să ne nască sau să reînvie. M-am distanţat mult de oraşul natal şi credeam că nu-mi mai oferă nimic, m-am înşelat. Acasă, în cripta mea, în frig şi gălăgie e locul unde mă simt demenţial de liberă. Între oameni care mă ştiu de când eu încă nu mă ştiam.

                                      I was wearing Miss Miss jeans and TerrNova blouse.

Last time I looked at the phone, it was 1am ...My mother spins like crazy around the house, doing her luggage. Tomorrow she leaves. Done, everybody went home, we are finally alone, just us. Today I received a great response, a quote that I once posted on the FB blog's page: "I doesn't matter how the house looks but who lives in it." I always complain that my parent's apartment is dated and looks more like an abandoned museum. It's 1:10am, I read and from time to time I check my FB ...It's like I'm waiting for someone to write me something, any of them, but instead it’s total silence. Maybe some friends are saying "Hi", but in this moment it seems uninteresting. I thought a lot about blogging, and how deeply I miss my laptop. I have lots of ideas in my head, many thoughts and stuff, and I wish I could write them down, just to clear my head a bit. Some friends of my mother, visited us, Silvano, my favorite Italian of all I have known, fascinated me again with his silence and his silence explanation. I completely forgot Italian and that embarrassed me horribly. Yet, after a glass of beer with my dad the words have found their place and I could chat with Silvano a bit. I constantly meditate on life, but home surrounded by old friends of my parent's (people I grew up with, people that I admired and judged as a child) made me realize the gallop of life ... How you change and how important family is, in my case, my huge and infinitely diverse family. For me, home remains the place where memories never ceases to be born or to revive. I distanced my hometown more than I thought, and I was pretty sure it has noting to offer anymore, I was wrong. At home, in my crypt, where it's cold and noisy is where I feel insanely free. Among people who know me since I didn't knew myself.
Today's quote: "When everyone goes home, you're stuck with yourself. "

 

A book, a voice, a gesture..

Citesc pe tren o carte interesantă cu mici povestiri. Cochetez cu tipul din paralel, pe al cărui piept sunt picioarele iubitei. Mănânc nişte pizza ascult muzică şi mă gândesc la tine. Mă gândesc la viaţă mea şi la deciziile luate:) Budapesta mi s-a cuibărit deja în inimă. Prietenii mei cred că iar voi ieşii răvășita din povestea asta, sper că nu, cred că de data asta am fost mai lucidă. Încă mă mai gândesc la tine, mă gândesc şi la alţii în paralel, îmi analizez statutul de "dronă" şi îmi dau seama cât îmi plac călătoriile. Cât invidiez fericirea altora şi cât îmi place fast food-ul pe care mereu îl evit. Există mereu ceva care te scoate din realitatea ta şi te bagă în realitatea comună... O carte, un glas, un gest. Alex nu înţelege de ce mie şi Oanei ne place să pozăm orice, el e tehnic, noi...Noi suntem aeriene, suntem femei, ne pierdem în detalii. Citește şi el, şi Oana, eu m-am pus pe scris, cartea m-a băgat în gânduri şi cumva m-am trezit iar într-o viaţă care nu vreau să-mi aparţină. Mă gândesc la G, mă gândesc de ce nu-l vreau ca iubit, de ce mi-e frică!? Îmi aduc aminte seara când am stat la el, la bere şi film, îl vroiam, dar doar pentru că îmi era inaccesibil cred, sau poate berea era motivul? Recent, mi-a zis că vrea să ne cuddle-uim când ne vedem, şi eu aş vrea... Dar îmi e frică să nu stric prietenia, mai fac nişte poze la pasajele din carte, e făină. Revin la ea, e mai interesantă ca gândurile mele.

I was wearing TerraNova jacket, H&M scarf, no name blouse & gloves, Sisley pants, Ucca bag and BBup shoes

 I'm on the train, reading a book with sorth stories. I'm flirting with the guy parallel with me, on which chest are resting the feet of his girlfriend. I'm eating pizza while listening to music and thinking about you. I'm thinking about my life and about the decisions i made. :) Budapest already conquered me. My friends think that i''ll will get out ravished from this trip. I hope not, because this time I was a bit more lucid. I still think about you, i think about others in the same time. I analyze my drone status and  I realize how much I love traveling. How much I envy other people's happiness and how much I love fast food, even if I avoid it as much as I can. There is always something that pulls you out from your reality and put you in the common reality. A book, a voice, a gesture. Alex doesn't get it why, me and Oana like taking photographs of everything. He's more technical, but we are starry-eyed, women, we get lost in details. Oana and Alex are reading, I started reading too, the book made me think about my life, and then I woke up in a life that doesn't belong to me. I'm thinking about G, I'm thinking why I don't want him as a boyfriend, why am I scared?  I remember the night that I spent at his place, drinking beer and watching TV.  I wanted him at that moment, maybe because he was inaccessible or could've been the beer?  Recently, he told me he wants to cuddle a bit when he's back, maybe I want that too. I'm scared, too scared that I'll ruin a friendship for nothing, I'll better take some pictures to the great lines from my book, it's a nice one. I'll go back to the book, it's more interesting than my thoughts. 

 Today's quote: “Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow.”

Poetry reminds me of you!

   Cândva, cineva mi-a trimis acest poem, a zis că citindu-l gândul i-a zburat la mine:
"I ache for you. It’s three in the morning, and I’m grasping for an excuse not to call you. I used to be fearless. I used to be invincible. But now my fingers are fumbling for the empty space of your outline on my bed sheets. I’m sitting here trying to convince myself that I don’t want you –but the more I say it the less I believe it. I am starting to accept that you never loved me. And it’s sad because I don’t think you see how beautiful you are to me. Your face was the light that chased away the shadows, every nightmare, every fear. But you burned out and now I’m learning to be afraid of the dark once again."  Simt cu adevărat fiecare cuvânt al acestei poezii, și doresc să o adreseze tuturor celor pe care, odată i-am iubit și i-am văzut fără cusur.
   Sărbători fericite oameni buni și nu uitați să oferiți dragoste și bunătate. Nu o să recomand ținute de Crăciun sau rochii elegante întrucât eu, îmi petrec Crăciunul cu familia purtând "acel" flanel urat specific Crăciunului.

I was wearing C&A hat, Dressin skirt, ClockHouse scarf, Stradivarius shoes, Sisley bag,no name sweater & coat

  Once someone send me this poetry, said that reading is, it reminded of me. :
"I ache for you. It’s three in the morning, and I’m grasping for an excuse not to call you. I used to be fearless. I used to be invincible. But now my fingers are fumbling for the empty space of your outline on my bed sheets. I’m sitting here trying to convince myself that I don’t want you –but the more I say it the less I believe it. I am starting to accept that you never loved me. And it’s sad because I don’t think you see how beautiful you are to me. Your face was the light that chased away the shadows, every nightmare, every fear. But you burned out and now I’m learning to be afraid of the dark once again." I truly feel every word of this poetry, and I wish to address it to all the mean I once loved and seen flawless.
   Happy holidays, folks and have don't forget to spread love and kindness. I'll not recommend any dress or outfit for the Christmas party, since I like to spend the Christmas home, with my family, wearing "that" ugly Christmas sweater.

 Today's quote: "Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone."

Someone who knows how she likes her coffee.

În fiecare zi se trezește devreme ca să-și savureze cafeaua cu lapte de soia. Uneori, adoră liniștea căminului ei, însă alteori ar mai sta la "hârjoneală" înainte de muncă cu cineva care știe cum îşi bea cafeaua, pentru că ea deja știe cum "el" o preferă pe a lui. Are 2 opțiuni când vine vorba de a merge la muncă, cu tramvaiul sau pe picioare, depinde de starea de spirit. Atunci când merge pe picioare, abia ce rămâne conectată la ceea ce este în jur, poate un om fără adăpost o mai scoate din visare și, uneori  îi dă bani, însă doar dacă nu cere. Când merge cu tramvaiul are obiceiul de a analiza mult oamenii, citește mâhnirea, plictisul sau fericirea de pe chipurile lor, apoi se întoarce la visarea cu ochii deschiși. (De obicei, mâinile și ochii spun despre om, mai mult decât ar face-o el însuși.) Își dorește să schimbe lumea, chiar dacă schimbarea ar fi la o scară prea mică. Azi și-a făcut un prieten în stația de tramvai, un cățel minunat, cățelul a petrecut-o până la tramvai, apoi a stat cuminte şi s-a uitat cum ea pleacă spre rutina zilnică. Asta a întristat-o dar, a și bucurat-o în același timp şi asta din cauză că, pentru câteva minute a avut parte de un moment sincer de prietenie și bucurie. Aceste momente sunt rare și amândoi s-au bucurat de moment din plin. (Toată ziua, și ziua următoare s-a gândit la amicul din stația de tramvai, trebuie să-și cumpere o casă ca apoi să înceapă schimbarea la care visează)

I was wearing Deichmann boots, Meli Melo hat, handmade earrings and gloves, H&M scarf Stradivarius belt, Sisley bag and ZNU dress.

Every day she wakes up earlier to enjoy her coffee with soya milk. Sometimes, she enjoys the solitude of her home, but other times she wishes, she could giggle with someone one before work, someone who knows how she likes her coffee, as she already know how 'he' likes his. She goes to work, with tram or by feet, it depends on her mood. When she goes by feet, she barely notice the people's faces, cuz radio music takes her far away, she might notice the homeless people, sometimes she gives them money, but only to those who don't ask . When she's in tram, she inspects all the faces, she sees the pain, the joy, the boredom all the human expressions, and after she begins her daily daydreaming.(Usually the hands and the eyes of people say more about them than, they will ever know how to express with words) She wishes she can change the world, even if that is in small proportion. Today she made a friend while waiting the tram, a lovely dog. When she got in the tram, the dog stand there and looked at her, as she was going to her daily routine. That made her sad and happy in the same time. Happy, because for a few minutes, she and the dog had a sincerely moment of bounding and joy. These moments are rare and both enjoyed the moment fully. Sad, because she couldn't help to much the dog. (All that day,and the day after she thought about that friend, she has to buy a house in order to do that small changed she's dreaming about)

Today's motto: "One travels to run away from routine, that dreadful routine that kills all imagination and all our capacity for enthusiasm."

What's the deal with LOVE?

Care-i treaba cu DRAGOSTEA? Pare a fi lucrul cel mai greu de atins. Într-un cerc infinit de oportunităţi, noi ne limităm la o singură persoană şi doar la aceea. Personalitatea ta pare a fi ciudată, dar pentru cineva e cea mai frumoasă. Poate nu-ţi plac picioarele tale, dar alţii le văd minunate. Şoldurile tale sunt feminine şi, nu, nu eşti grasă eşti doar cu forme "rubensiene". Deci, din nou, de ce este atât de greu să-ţi găseşti sufletul pereche? Ai o mulţime de oameni care te plac pentru diverse motive, dar tu, tu, te-ai blocat undeva cu cineva. Noi toţi ne plângem că nu putem găsi pe cineva care să se potrivească perfect cu noi, dar poate avem nevoie să ne ajustăm un pic aşteptările, sau să scoatem ce e mai bine din ceea ce avem deja. Tânjesc după sentimentul de "îndrăgostire", şi am avut parte din belşug de el în acest an, însă eu încă îmi mai doresc asta. E ca ciocolata, o dependenţă care te face să te simţi bine şi rău în acelaşi timp

I was wearing Shein dress, Meli Melo sunglasses, Oasap jacket, and many "no name" items.

Today's quote: "Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."

What's the deal with LOVE? Man... this seems to be the hardest thing to achieve. It's a big circle of opportunities but still we limit ourselves around one person, and that one only. Your personality might be strange but, for someone it's the best one, you don't like your legs, but others see them lovely. You're hips are feminine and you're not fat, just big boned. So again, why it's so hard to find your soul mate?  You have lots of people that like you for various motives, but you're stuck somewhere with someone. We all complain that we can't find someone that will perfectly match with us, but maybe we need to lose a bit of our expectations or, to take out the best from what we already have. I crave for the "in love" feeling, and I had it a lot this year, but i still want more. It's like chocolate, an addiction that makes you feel good and bad in the same time.